..................................baile conmigo [entries|friends|calendar] the girl next shore where to? navigate a the girl next shore a front row tickets a red marks on my wall a sun-kissed cheeks a ½ Wishing starfish? leng. 21. a chocolate starfish in her past life. or a coconut tree on a beach. alcoholic. left her heart somewhere in the '60s and the '70s. street dancer in the morning. bellydancer by night. eclectic musicologist. draws random people's lives in her head. caffeinated conversationalist. not a fan of pink & flowers. does not eat eggs. 5-year-old blogger who should publish a dictionary of her twisted words. revived chocoholic. retired prodigal daughter. dinky's favorite sister. vodka island based - no tonic, please. playlist: Elliot Yamin - Somebody to Love Elliot Yamin - Home Elliot Yamin - It Had To Be You Chris Daughtry - Have You Ever Really Loved A Woman Nada Surf - Always Love Fall Out Boy - Sugar We're Going Down Fall Out Boy - Dance Dance Switchfoot - Dare You To Move Aqualung - Strange and Beautiful Stereophonics - Maybe Tomorrow Iron & Wine - Such Great Heights Zero 7 - In the Waiting Line Tori Amos - Sleeps with Butterflies The Dawn - Tulad ng Dati The Dawn - Change is Breaking Us Apart The Sundays - Cry David Gray - Sail Away DMB - Grace is Gone Kaskade - Stepping Out Kaskade - Honesty Kaskade - Everything linkage ::SELFPLUGGING:: Chocolate Starfish Malditang Bata Moonlight Dancer FrostGunk (2003-2005) ::AMUSIFY:: NON-LJ READS: YAnnyY, Carlo, Jay Jay, Jingo, Kai, Kassy, Kat, Lori, Macmac, Manu, Momon, Rissa ::PIECED:: UP Junior Marketing Association UP College of Mass Communication UP Diliman ::HABITUAL:: - One - Staying Alive - Make Poverty History - Make Trade Fair - Unicef International CNN Fully Booked Sure Seats @ MyAyala Post A Secret? Sinfest A Softer World Pacsun Roxy MNG Nike Women Jason Brooks Jordi Labanda Kurt Halsey Hed Kandi Zips site? ½ Wishing :: Stoked Fudge version 7 Coded on Notepad for Mozilla Firefox on a 1024 x 768 resolution. Image taken by a Nokia 6680. Edited with Jasc Paint Shop 8. Layout and content by site owner, unless otherwise noted. Send your inquiries here. All rights reserved Copyright © 2005 LDG [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

waiting on the shore [Friday May 19th, 2006 @ 9:56pm] I MOVED. Let me know if you want to be added. c",) Of course, you can just add me up. 16 improvisedhappy stories ♣ ♣ ♣ Run the show?

.2% :( [Thursday May 18th, 2006 @ 6:18pm] [ mood | sad ] [ music | Elliott Yamin - If You Really Love Me ]      I don't think I've ever felt this connected to someone from AI, nor any reality TV show. That's why it pains me to see Elliott Yamin go tonight - by .2%. Effin' .2%. Again, that figure equates to didn't we almost have it all. God damn it. Memories flood my mind from high school honours to getting GC in college.      He's a good good man indeed, and good things happen to good people. His homecoming video was by far the most heart-melting out of all three, and I couldn't help but cry while watching him serenade his fans in Richmond. His mom's such an adorable lady, too.      I froze when his name appeared onscreen after the 33.06% figure. Somehow I was praying I'd see Katharine's. Haaay. I feel really bad about it. I think it actually hurts more than all of my breakups combined. Haha. I'm such a sucker for watching the good guys go, and Elliott is a really really good guy.      *le sigh* I'd still be watching the finals... but I'm sure I won't enjoy it as much. Just because he's not gonna be there. Pft.      Here's to the guy who wow-ed us all with his yummy soulful voice. Here's to that adorable white boy who loves his mother. Here's to that man who remains humble, no matter how big his talent is. Here's to the contestant who really really really deserved to be in the finals. Here's to Elliott, who takes it to the heart. 9 improvisedhappy stories ♣ ♣ ♣ Run the show?

final threE [Wednesday May 17th, 2006 @ 8:49pm] [ mood | worried ] [ music | Elliot Yamin - Teach Me Tonight ]      Probably not his best night, but I'm still loving the husband from AI5.      I kind of flinched when I found out Paula had to choose his song. I was hoping Simon would, because he usually picks the right songs. Nevertheless, I like how he sang What You Won't Do For Love. Even if the song didn't showcase his vocals, it was cool to see him a bit erm, chilled, after Open Arms (which was another "ay sana iba na lang" song choice).      Must applaud Kat McPhee when she did Somewhere Over the Rainbow. On the floor again, eh? Notice how she had the longest airtime? She probably deserved it because her rendition was pretty good. Excellent indeed. But still. NOT FAIR.      Taylor seems a tad too confident with his last song. Ruin the ending indeed.      America must not vote only because of what happened tonight. ELLIOT DESERVES THAT SPOT IN THE FINALS. 6 improvisedhappy stories ♣ ♣ ♣ Run the show?

where'd the rain go? [Monday May 15th, 2006 @ 9:59pm] [ mood | no day but today ] [ music | Ivy - Kite ]      It started raining already and I'm enveloped in the warm, fuzzy feeling the past few days brought in.      Being clinically depressed seems to have been a blessing in disguise (not because you get to have prescription drugs). I had five minutes with a therapist today and she told me one thing: let go. I knew we'd get to that point and was actually expecting it any time soon, but it was still surprising, as all registered surprises are. Still, I told her I might actually be ready to because I owe it to myself and to the people who genuinely care about me, but I also told her that I'd like to deal with things at my own pace.      Quite frankly, I'm actually doing fine. I'm probably past over the denial stage because I've finally accepted the facts and changes that evolved within the previous three months. I feel more at peace and less restless now, but I do admit that there would still be times when I'd feel as if I were living off scenes from an Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind-esque point of view. Indeed, it pains to argue when your mind can't outsmart your heart. Still, one can't get stuck in the agony of waiting forever (uy!). There's no way you can move on if you keep on thinking about what-if's and be damn regretful of your should-have-been's. Act upon logic nga talaga... makes everything easier.      I'm ready, I think.      This time, I'm going to put myself on top of my priority list, because I think it's about time I become that kind of selfish. I've learned that for a while I was convinced that I haven't really been doing a lot of selfless acts when in fact, I actually haven't been thinking of my own happiness. It took a few good friends and a few years for me to realize that I'm only happy when other people (friends, partners, family) are happy or when I make them happy. It's time that I become independent of other people's opinions and feelings, because I can only be really happy when I've learned how to be happy on my own.      This time I'm not going to change anything about myself to please anybody because I know I am not completely loved when someone tells me to change a few details. Like how I can't hang out with my boy-space-friends. Or that I have to undergo a wardrobe overhaul because my skirts are too short. Or that I have to stop smoking. Or that I must to go to mass on Wednesdays and Sundays or else I'd be damned. Enough of that. Because even if these are just trivial things, they're quite a distance from where I'm at. Changing might just not work because that would make me a different person. My case, my way. Let me deal with things at my own pace.      I'm not becoming jaded, really. I just want to embrace everything life has to offer. I'm not expecting a lot of people to understand the way I think nor the way I act, but that's okay. At least, I do. And I matter now. 32 improvisedhappy stories ♣ ♣ ♣ Run the show?

on doing things in a rush... erm flash. [Saturday May 13th, 2006 @ 12:07am] [ mood | giddy ] [ music | K's Choice - Wait ] The Flash 85% Wonder Woman 83% Supergirl 83% Green Lantern 80% Iron Man 65% Hulk 65% Superman 65% Spider-Man 60% Catwoman 60% Robin 50% Batman 45% Fast, athletic and flirtatious. Click here to take the Superhero Personality Test      Hmmm. Flash, eh? At least I'm not wearing my underwear over my suit.      We really do tend to jump into situations before thinking things over and weighing our options. A few years back I've learned through my friend Trina, that more often than not I've failed certain life tests because I act upon emotions rather than logic. For a while there I took her advice and succeeded on moving forward smoothly.      Until I figured I was committing the same mistakes again. Like doing what I wanted without considering other people's emotions. Pushing through with what felt/seemed right although I knew it was wrong. Pouring out emotions despite understanding what needed to be done.      boyspacefriend was right in reminding me about thinking things over before actually taking the first step. Because somewhere in the middle of the road to happiness, I forgot.      I've been thinking a lot lately and I'm doing just fine. It sure is exciting when spontaneity gets you somewhere, but it is rather nice to have a decent plan. Gets you where you want to be.      Can't really say I'm at my best now, with all the thinking from counseling and medication, but I'm definitely better. I have a plan and I'm sticking to it. Results may come later than usual, but I guess it doesn't really matter how long you work for something because if it's worth it, it's worth it. And it's sweeter when you get your prize. I'm happier that way.      ( Oh, and... erm... click if you want to play. ) 11 improvisedhappy stories ♣ ♣ ♣ Run the show?

akin ka na lang [Wednesday May 10th, 2006 @ 8:17pm] [ music | Stonebridge - Take Me Away ]      ELLIOT YAMIN! Oh yes, You're evil. You took my heart away. Mahal na kita. c",) I seriously hope he won't get cut tomorrow. HE DESERVES IT SOBRA. And for the first time, I felt that he wants in. I was actually worried when I found out about Elvis night but damnit, he absolutely delivered. I like. c",)      Chris' version of "A Little Less Conversation" was better than JPL's (vocally) but JPL was more amusing to watch. Taylor sorta bores me now, but I still think he's pretty cool. Not exactly the best singer (biased ako, e ano?) but still entertaining. Sorry doinee and other McPhee fans, but I just really thought this was her worst week. Save for the dancing, I didn't like her performance. PMS, maybe?      Oh, have you seen DJ House's "O Ano?" music video? It's the one with Jojo Alejar dancing along the metro. Laughtrip no-brainer.      Forgive my incoherence. But just so you guys know, I'm alright. And if anyone else asks... yes. I'm getting ready to pack my bags. Let the countdown begin. EDIT: @#$%^&!!!! WHY CHRIS?!?!?!? >:P I'm officially bummed about that. Kat should've gotten it. 15 improvisedhappy stories ♣ ♣ ♣ Run the show?

box of crayons [Friday May 5th, 2006 @ 12:53am] [ mood | ? ] [ music | Coldplay - In My Place ]      FIRST, LET ME JUST SAY @#$%&!!!!! I LOVE YOU, ELLIOT YAMIN. I REALLY DO. I'M INSANELY CRAZY LIKE PAULA OVER YOU. I'M SOOO GLAD YOU'RE SAFE. YOU HAVE NO IDEA. AAAARGH.      Okay.      I've been reading my friend's testimonials and I came across a few who viewed me as this girl who "lives in a vividly colorful world". This could be true because somehow, I did embrace all the drama and all the insanely poptart moments that could've given Andy Warhol a run for his funds. I loved the fusion of emotions and mems that painted the story of my life. I could sell each memory for a peso each and still come up with a promising bank account.      But what am I to do when I'm once again stuck in a rut? All shades of blues and greens and oranges just didn't quite catch enough light. My vision is blurred and all I see now is mostly gray. Or grey. However you'd like to spell it. You get the picture anyway.      Not that I'm becoming too cynical again. Au contraire, I still get to breathe in and out and plaster a smile on my face when needed (which is most of the time). It's just that every now and then a few thoughts pop into my seemingly battery-operated brain. I'd talk to myself at night as if reading something off of that moving neon marquee thing in fast food chains and airports, and the words just come scrolling in as fast as the next (self-proclaimed) original reality TV show: I've no idea with regards to where I'd be come mid-June and I've gone numb from being bruised all over (in more ways than one) and I've no desire in taking up Law (as pressured by the father) and I wish I can dance regularly again and I want to feel like a giddy high schol girl again and I pray that my sister won't have any more complications and I wish some people would just get off my case and I'm getting tired of Generation Whine (oh, but most of us are part of it). More often than not, I feel drained afterwards and I can't seem to find a charger.      Perhaps something's seriously wrong with me, otherwise I wouldn't be spending time in counseling sessions and spending summer money on Zoloft (prescribed, what were you thinking?!). I think it's alright to say that, because lately all my happy memories come in a hellish blur and somehow, only uncertain options stand out (mind you, I get OC with trivial stuff). And though I surely... erm... hopefully think that the sun will still be generous enough to shine on me, I can't help but think of the worst case scenario - that I die young with a million regrets.      Indeed, the rainbow does stop somewhere. But there's still tomorrow, and there's still a box of crayons waiting for me under the bed. And there's always a time for art lessons. 11 improvisedhappy stories ♣ ♣ ♣ Run the show?

Asa man ka igka-human, bai? [Saturday April 29th, 2006 @ 11:01am] [ mood | question mark ] [ music | Anberlin - New Orleans ]      The past few weeks left me buzzed which caused self-preservation, resulting to life (over)analysis and long, solitary contemplative moments. I'm quite depressed with the fact that a lot of us "gen X"-ers (what generation do you call people at the brink of their coming-of-age na ba?) still can't find the answer to the neverending no-lifelines question, "What am I to do with the rest of my life?".      Surely, we'd like to believe that we know the answer to this and how to execute it, but we act otherwise. We just sometimes feel like we're too lazy to budge or too cool to care. Or too moved by trivial red herrings we oftentimes mistake as life's turning-point for the monumental yet momental rhapsody we experience.      Five years ago, fresh from high school I thought I had my life figured out. Five years later, a few weeks shy of getting my college diploma I realized I was wrong. And now I am afraid.      I've been secretly pointing fingers just so I'd feel better, but in the end I'd always have this sick-to-my-guts feeling because I know there's nobody else to blame but myself. These are the times I wish I had a really close-knit family so I can just pour out every sinking feeling while I nestle in the arms of my parents, but I know I can't because we're just not the type. These are the times when I wish I can just teleport to Chicago so I can be with my best friend, who never fails to put sense to my head. These are the times when I wish I had someone to talk to.      I was able to talk to our college sec, Dr. Odette Portus, the other day and for the first time in ages I actually felt like I'm seeing the first shafts of morning sun again. Whatever she told me gave me enough reason to believe that fear is nothing but an anchor on my ship and I will not (and cannot) let it pull me down.      Things will be okay, I hope. I've agreed to undergo counseling in UP and somewhere else. I really might be sick in the head. This has been my source of strength for the past few weeks. charm bracelet To remind me of beautiful mistakes (and lessons learned). To remind me of life and love. To remind me of faith. To remind me that You believe in me.      Read this for subject translation. Merci, lovecool. 28 improvisedhappy stories ♣ ♣ ♣ Run the show?

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